Monday, 14 March 2011
Of seclusion...
Does being alone shape our perception of solitairy living differently than when we are communal and busy with inter-personal relationships? I think it does to some level of degree.
I was an only child for the first eight years of my existence, but really in terms of relationships between siblings I was an only child for about twelve years, or until my sister was old enough to interact with me. Sure when she was born the structure of my upbringing changed with less focus being placed on me and more on her developement, but what really changed for me? Before when parents were away or busy I was expected to entertain myself, after I was still expected to entertain myself, perhaps more often but as I was also growing older and more independent I needed less help and guidance from adults in comparison to when I had been younger.
And though I don't think siblings or whether you are eldest or youngest, middle or only really can define a person or their personality. Most of people's personality they have when they are born, sometimes the person can change slightly to adapt to their outcomes. This is how siblings and seclusion overlap.
Sometimes having siblings is the strongest form of seclusion, as families struggle to change the bond and roles within them. I was alone when I was an only child and I coped with it, but I didn't feel alone until my sister was born and my parents had other things to worry about. But I think I dealt with it better in comparison to my sister dealing with her lost role as the baby when our brother was born five years later.
She has a very demanding personality, when you upset her she explodes and gets angry. I have a demanding personailty in a different way, my sister will make it known that she is doing something where as I never saw the reason to report my actions. I require a similar amount of attention to the attention given to my sister but in a different way. My sister seeks recognition, even for her misdeeds, I gain attention by slinking off quietly, becoming easily forgotten. Between the two of us I'm sneakier, not because I'm trying to be I just am, so the parents seek me out and check up on my activities every so often.
I think it's important to note that she and I have always had these underlying personality traits, and they may be the causes of some disputes, mainly the focus being the difference in how we cope with being alone. My sister is not okay with being alone, she feels that she needs constant social stimuli, she cannot cope with being secluded and will burst into theatrics at the idea. I am okay with being alone, I know that alone time can be used in an entertaining way. Creating imaginary worlds and adventures, reading, exploring, I know how to do these and can resort to them to postpone boredom. But is this because of my inherent personality or because of my role in the household growning up?
I could argue that I had to cultivate the skill to cope with periods of seclusion to remain happy and deal with the lifestyle of an only child. I can also argue that my personality is just generally okay with the idea of being alone and secluded. For instance I may have friends at school, but I have more boundaries about activities than my sister. I don't like as much contact with others as she likes, and I even feel like I need or want to be alone, where she becomes hysterical if the idea comes about that she should be alone. I value my "pondering" time and willingly spend time curled up indoors entertaining myself, my sister would never choose to do something like that.
Perhaps the arguement could also be that this is because of my age, I think this is probably the weakest idea because I have the same level as drama as my sister but in a much different way. For instance if she and I were frightened by something, someone jumping out at us as an example, she would get angry and choose the fight instinct, I would choose flight. She isn't a violent person, her responses are just different and I doubt that age will change her initial reaction, only the way she deals with social situations.
And it is because our methods of reaction are different that our responses to our family roles being changed are so different. When my sister was born for awhile I tried to compete for the same amount of attention I had recieved before, but after awhile I returned to my normal routine of slinking off to do things that interest me, alone. When my brother was born my sister started fighting for attention just like I had, but when she couldn't get it she would act out and force it from the parents even if it was negative, she also figured out that by staying with our baby brother she could share the attention given to him.
Perhaps seclusion can create a response either negatively or positively about being alone. But I think it is more likely that personal tolerance relies more on the person than on the situations they have experienced. Why else would my sister and I who had a similar experience choose such different responses to the change in our roles?
I was an only child for the first eight years of my existence, but really in terms of relationships between siblings I was an only child for about twelve years, or until my sister was old enough to interact with me. Sure when she was born the structure of my upbringing changed with less focus being placed on me and more on her developement, but what really changed for me? Before when parents were away or busy I was expected to entertain myself, after I was still expected to entertain myself, perhaps more often but as I was also growing older and more independent I needed less help and guidance from adults in comparison to when I had been younger.
And though I don't think siblings or whether you are eldest or youngest, middle or only really can define a person or their personality. Most of people's personality they have when they are born, sometimes the person can change slightly to adapt to their outcomes. This is how siblings and seclusion overlap.
Sometimes having siblings is the strongest form of seclusion, as families struggle to change the bond and roles within them. I was alone when I was an only child and I coped with it, but I didn't feel alone until my sister was born and my parents had other things to worry about. But I think I dealt with it better in comparison to my sister dealing with her lost role as the baby when our brother was born five years later.
She has a very demanding personality, when you upset her she explodes and gets angry. I have a demanding personailty in a different way, my sister will make it known that she is doing something where as I never saw the reason to report my actions. I require a similar amount of attention to the attention given to my sister but in a different way. My sister seeks recognition, even for her misdeeds, I gain attention by slinking off quietly, becoming easily forgotten. Between the two of us I'm sneakier, not because I'm trying to be I just am, so the parents seek me out and check up on my activities every so often.
I think it's important to note that she and I have always had these underlying personality traits, and they may be the causes of some disputes, mainly the focus being the difference in how we cope with being alone. My sister is not okay with being alone, she feels that she needs constant social stimuli, she cannot cope with being secluded and will burst into theatrics at the idea. I am okay with being alone, I know that alone time can be used in an entertaining way. Creating imaginary worlds and adventures, reading, exploring, I know how to do these and can resort to them to postpone boredom. But is this because of my inherent personality or because of my role in the household growning up?
I could argue that I had to cultivate the skill to cope with periods of seclusion to remain happy and deal with the lifestyle of an only child. I can also argue that my personality is just generally okay with the idea of being alone and secluded. For instance I may have friends at school, but I have more boundaries about activities than my sister. I don't like as much contact with others as she likes, and I even feel like I need or want to be alone, where she becomes hysterical if the idea comes about that she should be alone. I value my "pondering" time and willingly spend time curled up indoors entertaining myself, my sister would never choose to do something like that.
Perhaps the arguement could also be that this is because of my age, I think this is probably the weakest idea because I have the same level as drama as my sister but in a much different way. For instance if she and I were frightened by something, someone jumping out at us as an example, she would get angry and choose the fight instinct, I would choose flight. She isn't a violent person, her responses are just different and I doubt that age will change her initial reaction, only the way she deals with social situations.
And it is because our methods of reaction are different that our responses to our family roles being changed are so different. When my sister was born for awhile I tried to compete for the same amount of attention I had recieved before, but after awhile I returned to my normal routine of slinking off to do things that interest me, alone. When my brother was born my sister started fighting for attention just like I had, but when she couldn't get it she would act out and force it from the parents even if it was negative, she also figured out that by staying with our baby brother she could share the attention given to him.
Perhaps seclusion can create a response either negatively or positively about being alone. But I think it is more likely that personal tolerance relies more on the person than on the situations they have experienced. Why else would my sister and I who had a similar experience choose such different responses to the change in our roles?
Monday, 14 February 2011
Of Valentine's Day and other "Romantic" holidays...
Okay, so it's the "worst" time of year to be single. But is it really? The answer is: It's just like every fucking day of singledom... monotonous, droning and dull. You drink a little more, feel a little more shit about yourself. Especially since everyone either patronises you or shoves their relationships in your face. Solution?
Fuck them all. Make everyone Valentines. Why should the self absorbed couples be the only ones to act out this "perfect" day? Sure you can't give out your honmei-choco because it would make you a selfish horrible bitch, since he just happens to be happily involved elsewhere, elsewhere being right in front of you. You'll only feel like a jealous bitch for a couple days, so whats the big deal... Oh wait they are arguing and you can't help feeling slightly hopeful and slightly fucked up at the same time.
I don't think I'll ever like this holiday.
PS Excuse my horrible language, this is a total bitch rant, but you can't keep all your unhealthy guilty feelings to yourself. It'll only make you feel more hopeless and desperate.
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